A Day Hanging Out With a Liberal Friend
Ah, those liberals. Always looking for someone to fight with, something to scream about, something to accuse someone of, and always ready to make it abundantly clear why so many people think they’re certifiably nucking futs rather than sentinels of justice and righteous rage.
Now imagine being friends with a lib because one of your long-time buds or associates who used to be a ‘normie’ got seduced by this quasi-religious, hateful dogma masquerading as progressive politics over the past decade. Hey, it can happen, and with surprising quickness, if that friend happened to have specific emotional issues or personality traits to make them particularly vulnerable to this cult-like mentality.
But what is it like to hang out with such a person on a day-to-day basis? Let’s go through a fictional but sadly (and hilariously) true-to-life scenario when you’re out and about with that person!
Present on this speculative social excursion are you, your normie friend Deidre, and your blue-haired liberal friend Prissy (though she now goes by the name “Samson,” and utilizes a male gender pronoun, along with others in place of “she” and “her” that you find hard to spell).
Important note: Prissy is autistic and has always had some serious emotional issues with a lot of pent-up anger and no desire to heal… so she and the Woke mindset were a match made in Hell once she met that crowd on Tumblr.
Deidre: “Hey, peeps, check out these new beads I got in my hair today! My cousin makes them and I think they’re really cool, so I had to have her make some for me!”
Prissy/Samson: “Are you aware those are patterned after spiritual hair beads used by the Swahili tribe and by using them you and your cousin are committing cultural appropriation?”
Deidre: “Oh Jesus! Will you stop that shit, Prissy? I just think they look nice, okay?”
Prissy/Samson: “The name is Samson! I told you that last month! Stop disrespecting me and discriminating against trans people! And I don’t think the beautiful Swahili women would appreciate a white person stealing another thing from them! Haven’t you white people taken enough from Africans? That’s a form of violence and oppression! And stop invoking the name of that Christian deity around me!”
Deidre: “Oh, for the love of…”
You: (trying to deflect the oncoming fight): “Soooo…! What say we take in a movie! The Final Twilight is playing at the Bijou theater up the street there.”
Prissy/Samson: “Are you fucking kidding me, dude? I read an article on Jezebel that there’s, like, 10 white people in that movie and only 1 major black character! And only 5 of them are women, and one of them is a villain! I’m not seeing no racist flick that demeans women like that!”
Deidre: “Oh, c’mon now, erm… Samson. I heard it’s a really good movie, with really good characters who have qualities that can appeal to everyone.”
You: “Um, yeah, I heard the same thing. Maybe you should give it a chance?”
Prissy/Samson: “Oh for fuck’s sake, this group is soooo white! And your internalized hatred of your own sex really sucks, Deidre! Here you are, lucky enough to be born a woman, and you let the patriarchy totally mind-fuck you!”
Deidre: “WTF?! What is the matter with you? You used to be so much fun, but ever since you got with that Progressives of Tumblr group, you’ve been… well, I won’t say it.”
Prissy/Samson: “They educated me, is what they did. And I’m trying to educate you two now! Stop harassing me for trying to help you!”
You: “Um… Samson? We just want to have fun, like we always used to, before… well, you know. No offense was meant in any way, so please stop looking for things to get offended and angry about, all right? That’s all we’re asking here.”
Prissy/Samson: “Don’t you mansplain shit to me, you fucking tool of the patriarchy! You’re just trying to hold me down! To maintain your privileged, dominant position over me!”
Deidre: “Oh, geez. I don’t feel very privileged over someone who can scream at me and call me names without expecting any consequences at all. And btw, ‘Samson,’ since you now identify as a man, aren’t you part of the ‘patriarchy’ now too?”
Prissy/Samson: “Shut up, shut up, shut up! Arrrgghh! I’m not really a man anyways, I’m non-binary!”
Deidre: “Since when? Since right now? Shit, you’ve only been a man since you got with with that group a few months ago, when they compelled you, an autistic woman, into thinking that you have gender dysphoria. Since then you’ve gone through more hair colors and identities than a blood lab technician goes through syringe needles.”
Prissy/Samson: “Arrrrgghh! You two are both committing acts of violence and spewing all these microaggressions towards me! Denying me my right to exist! You hate trans people, you hate women, and you’re both proud to be white fucktards! You’re totally basic!”
You: (rolls your eyes) “Okay, how about we forget the movie and stop at the Taco Bell on the corner? I’m starving, and I’m thinking we can relax over a nice meal just like we always used to.”
Prissy/Samson: “You mean the restaurant that white scumbags are using to culturally appropriate Mexican food?! How could you ever suggest that we eat in such a place? The human resources department of that restaurant must be run by old white men! Only they would allow this to happen! And I heard there is only 1 black person working in that one! Why aren’t the DEI requirements being enforced?”
Deidre: “You mean, those requirements imposed on companies largely by Larry Fink, the CEO of BlackRock and one of the wealthiest old white men in the world?”
Prissy/Samson: “But he’s a well-educated old white man! Just like Biden!”
Deidre: (now past the point of tolerance) “And word has it… Fink is also a heterosexual!”
Prissy/Samson: “Arrrgghh!! I’m calling your jobs and letting your bosses know that you’re both a bunch of racist, misogynistic transphobes who probably hate Muslims too! And that you’re against diversity in the workplace! And that you both probably voted for Trump! Now lemme out of this car!” (Opens the door and leaps out)
You and Deidre shake your heads in tandem, both very concerned about your friend and massively relieved that she is out of your presence.